January Lists

January has a bad reputation. Here's why:

1) we make more lists than during the rest of the year: whether it is for resolutions, having just bought a planner like I did, reading the new book by Atul Gawande about checklists, or trying to organize your day, January seems to be a month of lists.

2) the lists we make are not nearly as interesting as December lists, which usually include the "best of" lists, which are the best of lists.

3) the weather is really bad unless you live in Arizona or Southern California, in which case it is the best of weather, but since school starts up again in those places as well as here, it doesn't matter because you have to go back to school.

4) Maria has started to understand that it will be another year before Christmas comes again

5) January is, generally speaking, a month where one is fat.

The last three are not real reasons, actually, but for any list to work, you need at least 5 items. The first two items, about lists, are the most important to me. If you are anything like me, you spent a large portion of your December eagerly awaiting the latest weekend installment of "At the Movies" to hear Michael Phillips and A.O. Scott's picks for "Best Movies of the Decade." You also spent much of your dishwashing time listening to Bob Boilen and his hip cronies at NPR discuss the "Most Influential Albums of the Decade." You also read through the New York Times best books of the year and heard that your brother John made his own best movies of the decade list for himself (I always find it cool that John makes a "best of" list for no real audience for some reason. Everytime people are talking about their favorite movies, he references his number 1 through 5 of the year and the decade as if he had thought about it for a long time. As far as I know, his picks are never published. Maybe he sends them to Colin). Now, these are the kinds of lists that make us happy. One of my fondest memories from Tucson is when Mark and I wrote up a list of the best restaurants that we had eaten at courtesy of his government per diem. We rated food, service, and ambience the way we learned from our childhood Arizona Republic reviews. If it were up to me, I would make a living out of that kind of activity.

But since I can't make a living out of it, and I get the feeling more and more that the way I will make a living will have nothing to do with my ability to be a taste-maker, I might as well make lists here. These lists usually happily occur in December, but to appease those who are finding January to be the doldrums, here are my 2009 "Best of" lists:

(There is a caveat here. Because of the nature of my life, and the fact that I need 6 to 8 hours of sleep per night, my experience with each category is pretty limited. So my best movies and worst movies might add up to 10, which is about the number of movies I saw this year. This will occur in almost every category, espcially in the "insights" section.)

Best albums:

-Neko Case, Middle Cyclone I've discussed this one elsewhere in the blog

-The Bad Plus, For All I Care This is a jazz album by the hippest trio in jazz, and it gets this honor because it has an amazing version of Long Distance Runaround and a solid version of "Comfortably Numb" Covering those songs well is worth the price.

-Sade, Sodier of Love This comes out in February of this year and I haven't heard it yet, but I don't care

-The Dave Rawlings Machine, The Friend of a Friend He's the other half of Gillian Welch, and his songwriting abilities almost match hers.

-Lyle Lovett, Natural Forces This was one of my most anticipated albums of the year, but only 5 songs on it put it in this list.

Worst Albums:

-Grizzly Bear, Veckatimist I remain unimpressed with this. I guess I am in a minority

Seal, Soul I guess nobody is surprised that this album is one of the worst of the year, but for such a big Seal fan like myself, even my eager sense of irony could not salvage this release. It sucks.

-Monsters of Folk, Monsters of Folk I made new lyrics for a Monsters of Folk song--I hope they make a new song out of it:

We are indie superstars!!!!

We sometimes play our vintage guitars

But we're just four lonely guys

Who sensitively harmonize

We will be reviewed really well

Cause we joined indie cred to sell

Some records in which we play guitars

And relish being indie superstars.

-Anne Murray, Duets I got this from the library cause it had songs that Mrs. Sharer, my old piano teacher, made me play. Nothing can salvage these songs, I guess, not even my 12-year-old piano playing nor Anne Murray singing them as duets.

-Lyle Lovett, Natural Forces (the other 5 songs put it on this list)

Best Movies

Up--I have an earlier post about this film

Star Trek Babies--ditto, although its logical inconsistencies really got to me the second time around

Where the Wild Things Are--I need to post about this one. It was probably the most interesting movie of the year, which makes it the best

State of Play--awesome and severely underrated and above all, shares a name with a weird Yes song

17 Again--posted about it

Worst Movies

Wolverine--posted about it and I still get mad whenever I think about it

District 9--I was either going to see this or The Hurt Locker, and I chose this. Racial allegories that are obvious and involve aliens were so twenty years ago.

The Proposal--I think I wrote a haiku about this, but to its credit, I hated it less than Sex and the City

Avatar--this really shouldn't be here, but the devil's advocate in me put this in the worst. First of all, 3-d is bad for your brain. For reals, it narrows the screen and mutes the colors. Besides, it is not really 3-d, it is more like "diorama" because the characters themselves are still flat, they just seem like they are in front of other flat objects. Furthermore, see my issue with racial allegories involving aliens a few lines up. The writing is bad, and the big bad general is silly. Other than that, the movie was awesome and everyone should see it on a big screen but not in 3-d.

Angels 'N Demons--this movie was preposterous. One silly event leads to another until they get so caught up in religion vs. science nonsense that I became unglued. The religion vs. science argument is so from the time of allegories and aliens.

Best TV shows:

-Freaks and Geeks: This doesn't count except that it is the only tv show I watched completely in 2009. I got it from the library, and it was just a great show in every way. Also nice to see Busy Phillips in some quality projects after witnessing her in Cougar Town and White Chicks and He's Just Not That Into You, which actually should take the place of The Proposal for worst movies of the year. Anyway, I am always rooting for Busy.

-Bon Appetit with Julia Child: I saw this twice on PBS after midnight. It was great both times. I think it was actually made in the 80s.

-Wordgirl: I caught this once with the kids, and it was pretty interesting. I'd watch again if I had to.

-Great Performances: I also caught this once when I was ironing my clothes. It was of Gustavo Dudamel's first performance with the LA Philharmonic.

Most Interesting Insight of 2009:

Organized religion is more interesting than non-organized religion. I'm just not into the pantheist, pagan, spirtual stuff. Give it to me orthodox or don't give it to me at all.

Least Interesting Insight of 2009:

Smarts are not as important as organizational behavior. Because I have neither, this is a not very interesting insight, but I had it nonetheless.

Best sports moment in 2009:

Iowa beats Michigan State with 7 seconds left.

Worst sports moment ever

The Lakers win the championship and they are stupid.

Best restaurants I went to in 2009:

-Shorts: This is a new burger place in Iowa City that just so happens to have really great expensive burgers.

-Zaika: A little Indian place in the Old Capitol Mall whose owner scolds me for repopulating the earth. His food is really good, though.

-Schierner's: This is a German meat shop in Montrose, CA, and it specializes in having fairly bland sandwiches that taste absolutely amazing. So take that, John's Jungle.

-Taco Truck: A truck that sells tacos in Pasadena.

-El Paso: A tiny Mexican specialty shop in East Iowa City. Its burritos are so good that I am happy most of the time just knowing that they exist without eating them.

Worst restaurants I went to in 2009:

-Chili's: This is been one of the constant battles of marriage. I hate Chili's even though I saw Charles Barkley at one when I was in high school, and Kathryn loves Chili's even though I know for a fact it is not good.

-Maid Rite: This is a midwestern staple that sells dry sloppy joes. There is no catch. It sells dry sloppy joes. I can't believe I ate one.

-Deluxe Bakery: The hoyty-toytys in Iowa City insisted I try the "neighborhood" Deluxe Bakery for its Saturday donuts. The fact that each donut was 2.50 didn't change the other fact that they aren't good.

-The Cheesecake Factory: I was looking forward to eating lunch with Crato and Melissa. They suggested either "Pita Jungle" or The Cheesecake Factory." Because I associate Pita Jungle with John's hypothetical restaurant John's Jungle, I chose The Cheesecake Factory. Their 80-page menu does not fool me anymore. It's not good. That they are always busy does not fool me either. It rivals Chili's for restaurant that I most often forget is gross and I still return.

Best moments in school in 2009:

-Watching a performance of a scene from Much Ado about Nothing by my students. They set it in Las Vegas, which really put it over the top. By the way, I wrote an imitation of Dante's Inferno when I was a sophomore in college, and set it in Las Vegas. Turns out there is a new movie called "St. John of Las Vegas" that uses Dante's Inferno as its premise. Do I sue?

-Day after my Chronicle article came out. I am not sure anyone actually said anything to me that day, but they didn't have to because I walked around as if I were the most famous person in Iowa City. Never have I strutted like I strutted down the halls of the English Philosophy Building.

Worst moment in school in 2009

-Going through my lesson plan in 15 minutes and having an hour left to kill time with students. I flipped pages of our book and spoke nonsense for roughly five minutes until an actual thought came to me. It was a long day for all of us.

Best moments in Church in 2009:

-Counting attendance for the fifth time. Five weeks into being called as membership clerk, I finally got the rhythm of counting people during Sacrament Meeting right, and everything was clicking on all cylinders. I didn't have to stop by an aisle nor recount anyone, I kept moving at a perfect pace to catch everyone and not be noticed by the congregation, although I can't help it if I am always noticed by the ladies out there especially since I got the maroon sweater vest. Anyway, that fifth week's counting was a beautiful thing. I haven't been able to duplicate it yet.

-Eating M&Ms in the Clerk's office: I'd like to formally thank the Ward Clerk for stocking the shelves with Peanut M&Ms so that the heavy burden of being a membership clerk can be a little lighter.

-The two snow cancellations. Who knew?

Worst moments in Church in 2009:

-Waiting for Kathryn after BYC: Not only is it horrible to wait for a wife who has to attend a meeting that is possibly the most pointless meeting in the history of meetings, but it is horrible to relive memories of having to wait for my mom do the same thing when I was young. It seems to touch a nerve that sets off a peculiar kind of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. But I don't just wait, I have to watch the kids run up and down the hall, turn off the lights, scream in the cultural hall, and get lots of messy drinks from the drinking fountain--just so Kathryn can watch disengaged teenagers say things like "I don't care." and "Do we have to wear Sunday Clothes?" for thirty minutes.

-Sitting through Sharing Time: Besides the fact that I disapprove of the name "Sharing Time," I can't wrap my head around how boring it usually is. I mean, I know it is directed at kids, but couldn't the adults throw in some jokes for the adults part of the time? There is only so much putting a magnified picture of a cigarette on the "bad" side of the blackboard that I can take.

Worst interaction with students of 2009:

-Student asking me if I've seen Boondock Saints. For some reason, this question has come up more than any other in my time as a teacher at a university. I am not going to watch Boondock Saints. I am just not going to. And for some reason, all my students think it is a travesty that I haven't watched it.

Best parenting move of 2009:

Realizing that I am not a "progressive" dad. Once you realize that you are not a progressive dad, everything else kind of fits into place.

Worst parenting move of 2009:

Letting Maria watch Dancing with the Stars. The damage is not quantifiable yet, but I am pretty sure it will surface later. I mean, Maria is now interested by some flamboyant guy with a Bulgarian accent screaming that "you are the sexiest animal since the marsupials of tasmania got fur!!!!! Rrrrraaahhhhhrrrrr." Where did this man come from? Why does he talk nonsense so much? Why did I ever let Maria begin watching this?